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Monday, September 22, 2008
super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post(2)
EVERYBODY, I HAVE RE WRITTEN THIS STUPID SUPER LONG AND SUPER ULTRA MEGA IDIOTIC BLOG POST. THIS IS NOW THE FINAL PRINT.
welcome to see the super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post final print by your good friend tan zheng kang. but before i start on my super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post, you need to take some safety precautions...
NOTE:
YOU MUST BE MORE THAN 90 PER CENT AWAKE BEFORE YOU START READING THE FIRST WORD OR THE SECOND WORD OF THIS SUPER LONG AND SUPER ULTRA MEGA IDIOTIC BLOG POST. A GUARANTEE BY THE WRITER OF THE SUPER LONG AND SUPER ULTRA MEGA IDIOTIC BLOG POST WRITER WITH THE HEAVENLY NAME OF MISTER TAN ZHENG KANG: THIS WILL LOWER YOUR AWAKENESS RATE TO LESSER THAN FIFTY ONE POINT ONE PER CENT. PEOPLE WHO HAD A BORING SCHOOL DAY, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP. THE WRITER SHALL NOT PAY FOR ANY FATALITIES THAT HAS BEEN CAUSED EITHER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY OR EVEN IF IT HAS NOTHING GOT TO DO WITH ME. PEOPLE WHO HAD INCREASED THEIR MYOPIA OR SHORT SIGHTEDNESS DEGREES WILL NOT BE GRANTED NEW SPECTACLES, UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU BUY IT OR SAY YOU PURCHASE IT FROM THE EYE SHOP OR SOMETHING ELSE AND SO ON.
RECAP OF SAFETY PRECAUTIONS:
WHEN YOU FEEL GROGGY, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU FEEL SLEEPY, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU FEEL STUPID, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU GET SICK AND TIRED OF THIS SUPER LONG AND SUPER ULTRA MEGA IDIOTIC BLOG POST, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE PUKING, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU FEEL DIZZY, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU FEEL GIDDY, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
WHEN YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE HOLD ALT BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM AND PRESS THE F4 BUTTON AT THE TOP.
AFTER READING, HAVE A GOOD SLEEP.
AND REMEMBER, THE WRITER SHALL NOT PAY FOR ANY UNFORESEEN FATALITIES THAT HAS BEEN CAUSED EITHER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY OR EVEN IF IT HAS NOTHING GOT TO DO WITH ME.
THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY READING.
now why did i repost? because this whole super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post or simplified into just saying a whole load of piece of crap, is due by monday, which on the national calender is twenty second september, two thousand and eight which is TODAY. using this fact, i can do anything i want, add any stuff i want, and my poor pathetic brother just cannot do anything to me. and by the way, it seemed that my brother has not yet chicken out from this stupid blog post competition. ha ha ha just now i told douglas that my blog post was about three thousand five hundred and thirteen words long. but no not now anymore. i am aiming at the "world" record of five thousand words in stead of a mere and pathetic and short three thousand five hundred and thirteen words for a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post. yes so here i go.
it is such a beautiful monday today ha ha ha.
all right. hello everyone, do you all have a good day today? well, you may have noticed that i sound different in my post today. do you want to know the reason? sure you may. this is because, i am actually having a blog post writing competition with my brother, zheng zhang. we both have to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post today. the criteria for this is that we can only post about what has just happened today. this is totally and idiotically stupid, isnt it? do you think so? well, i surely and certainly DO think that this whole thing is stupid. so stupid, that i can actually do it. it is just like me, stupid. ha ha ha. well guys, lets go on to the super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post.
Oh yes, on a side note, my brother, zheng zhang, has seemed to chicken out from this competition all together just now when i talked to him. want to know the reason why? sure. he have used too much of his computer playing a stupid mass multi player online role playing game, or is it a shooting game, today. the total time that he have used his computer is about seven hours and thirty plus minutes. he is now trying to console me into closing this competition all together. well, after a long discussion i had with him just now, the results are that, he will not be posting today, however, he would be posting tomorrow, which is a monday. well, writing a long blog post is not exactly same as COPYING from a website de long blog post. some people just go to any stupid song website and copy out lyrics of songs, which is stupid and absurd. the person does not even write the post himself or herself. if i was the person, i could have went to bai du mp3 song lyrics and copy every single word in their data base. then i am going to have a super super super super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post which consists for more than a million words. that is pain cheap and pure cheating. so i am not going to copy and paste anything.
below is a rough, or may i say, detailed, over view on what are the things i have done and what am i going to do today:
number one: a stupid and idiotic and crazy and difficult math test paper in year two zero zero six AND another stupid and idiotic and crazy and difficult math revision paper
number two: to finish this super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post
number three: i have "re" watched a south park video called best friend forever which was extremely interesting and i feel like talking about it if i have the time and patience and encouragement of course
number four: a guide on how to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post in this post
and every single thing has to be done by night, ten o clock sharp.
number one: a stupid and idiotic and crazy and difficult math test paper in year two zero zero six AND another stupid and idiotic and crazy and difficult math revision paper. yes this math paper is totally hard. but according to the nerds in my class, 1E 2008, it must have been so easy to them that it seems like a piece of cake. or maybe two pieces. ha ha ha. lets continue... yes it is totally hard. i just hate maths. the most things i hate about maths are especially the topic of indices. this topic, indices, include algebra. algebra is where we have to convert a long and stupid equation into one single, simplified equation, such as 2 x 3 x 4 square cube is equals to 4 cube x 10 square x h. what is the letter h? well, there are about a hundred and one questions like that in the stupid paper. i bet the 1F maths nerd, kang ming, will not even bother to take it as a piece of home work. all he have to do is just not to care or give a damn about this stupid piece of crap, and finish it in fifteen minutes the next day early in the morning. i bet he even has time to share his work for every one else in class to copy from him. this is called NERDY. well, i am not such a maths nerd, so i have to spend hours trying to complete that stupid piece of crap. same to the stupid revision paper. the funny thing about the revision paper is that answers are provided so that we can refer to those stupid answers so as to check and make sure our work is a hundred and one per cent correct. the most most most most most weird this is that mrs lai is not going to collect this piece of crap worksheet. by not collecting this, it makes this paper optional to do. so hip hip hooray to me as THIS PAPER, I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN OR EVEN CARE ABOUT IT.
number two: to finish this super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post. like what i have said just now, this was a competition. i just must not not to give a dam or even care about it, isnt it? i must write long, so long that it covers the page. such as about three thousand and one words? maybe, but again, maybe not. i may not have enough time or enough encouragement to continue writing this stupid piece of crap. never the less, i must 'strive' to complete this. well, wish me good luck! and please, readers, do not die of boredom when you read this stupid piece of crap. if you realise you are just about to doze of into your beautiful dream land, hold alt button and press the button F4 at the top immediately! you may choose not to come back here again. ha ha ha.
number three: i have watched a south park video which was extremely interesting. actually it was a re watch, i have watched that super nice south park show a few days ago and decided at it was so nice that i must continue to watch it again and again. well this is only the second time i watch it. yet i am so obsessed with it already actually. remember a few days ago when i told you about the south park video, called "best friends forever"? yes it is such a nice show with a beautiful story line. i may tell you about it later, ha ha ha. that is if i have enough time to write this stupid piece of crap. ha ha ha.
number four: a guide on how to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post in this post. for most of you who may or may not have ever got into a competition where you have to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post, and if any one comes around and challenges you for a competition, which is like what my brother did, you may need the guide that i am going to write later. hey guys, i am not a person who actually writes thousands of words for a blog post, oh k? this is actually only my second time i am going to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post. the first time was back in july, if i have not mistaken... no it is in august actually. if you want to watch what crap i have written last time you may want to scroll a long way down from here and get to the post. mind you, that post is not as long as my target today, the post was only about one thousand and three hundred words or was it five hundred? i do not know and i do not give a damn or even care. yes so here we go, here comes the guide.
welcome to the section of the "how to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post" guide. i have divided this guide i am writing in to sections. when i say sections, i mean like volumes, you know? books have volumes like volume one and volume two. yes this guide has sections.
section one: to be you luo suo you fu za, which in english that i use, is translated as being bragging and bragging around, and at the same time, being totally complicated and messy. in short, this means that everything you write has to be in detail. so instead of saying "lol stupid la, have to write long post, thx to the competition, waste time, waste energy". you can this whole idiot text to: "dont you think this is stupid you guys? i must write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post, and this is all thanks to that stupid competition i have agreed to have with my brother, zheng zhang. this is such a waste of precious time and energy, which i may have used to do something else more meaning full, like having a chat on windows live messenger or eating some ice cream". can you guys see the exaggeration? it is where you add in a whole of redundant facts that you think people may not even bother or care or give a damn about. yes, but as long as you add in, you will have to get the word limit that you are targeting at. in this case, me, i am targeting at the word count of 3000.
section two: using of correct and proper english. i am not stating or implying that you must use correct and proper english like you do in compositions that are getting marked by stern eyed teachers. but,you must get the facts right. why are short cut words, such as lol or wtf or wth or rotflmao created? these are created because people online are just too lazy to type out the full word. but in this case, you are going to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post. there fore, you must use full words as Microsoft Word Document word count system goes according by the number of spaces you have in between words. so gone are the days where you keep writing lol or wtf or wth or rotflmao. these words should be replaced by laugh out loud, water the flowers and what the hell and roll on the floor laughing my ass off. have you guys seen a super long short cut word that makes utterly no sense? here goes. the word is rotfflmfaowmftibme. this, in daily english that most of us use, is actually translated as: roll on the far king floor laughing my far king arse off with mother far king tears in both my eyes. can you see how you have expanded such a long word into more than ten words?
section three: have things to write about. you must have many things to write about. this is unlike me, as all day and night my days are boring. i actually have nothing much to talk about. then, this is where you have to write in total detail. that is actually exaggeration. you will have to exaggerate in every single thing you have came across and put in your colourful feelings inside it. for example, you can write up to more than five hundred and one words when you watch a twenty minute video, suck as any typical south park video or a how to be ninja video. but how are you going to do that? you just have to write a super detailed summary on what the video is about, what you have seen, how you have felt, and so on. then you brag on and on about how interesting that was and go on about why people should watch it. like this, you have a lot and a lot of words to put into it.
section four: adding spaces. like what i have just said, the microsoft word counts words by looking at the characters between numbers of spaces. this is why you need to add a whole lot of spaces in between. i am about to give you some examples.
hahahahaha can actually be written as ha ha ha ha ha
alot can actually be written as a lot
isnt can actually be written as is not
wouldnt can actually be written as would not
wont can actually be written as will not
dont can actually be written as do not
mustnt can actually be written as must not
and there is actually a whole lot more more to write. by adding spaces, you can write a lot of words. ha ha ha. this is so cheap, isnt it. but hey, no, you cannot do this " " and think you have alot of words. no no no. you must have characters between them. so " n n h g j g h d f y u k l g b u j l l" would do it. a whole lot of words.
section 5: adjectives and synonyms. you can actually add a lot of adjectives and synonyms beside words to increase the number of words you would want to write in your super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post. you see it? in this phrase "super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post" i have written extra words such as super and ultra and mega and idiotic. like this you can have a lot of words. do you get it? do not underestimate the power of just one word beside the other. this is just like saying your vote, just one in a million votes, for the new american president, does not count. every vote counts, and in your super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post, every word counts. you see it, dont you? by adding just one word beside the other, if you have five hundred and one words, you would actually already have about a thousand and two words. remember, every single word counts!
I have come to the end of my "how to write a super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post" guide. if you have any queries or if you have some questions that you may not or do not understand, please feel free to contact me about your problems and
must ask if not sure die one" questions. you can contact me at tan zheng kang @ hot mail (dot) com. fix the link as i do not want to have a blue hyper link that leads you to microsoft out look... ha ha ha.
Announcement from the super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post writer: ALL RIGHT. NOW WHAT I AM GOING, OR ABOUT, TO SAY IS THAT, THE ABOVE TEXT THAT YOU HAVE JUST READ IS INCREDIBLY, ANNOYINGLY, EXTREMELY, SUPER, ULTRA LAME AND CHILDISH. PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO DO THIS AT HOME AS IT MAY LEAD YOU TO BECOMING A LITTLE P5 OR P4 KID. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
all right. is this long enough? oh no, of course, this is not long enough. there is only about two thousand and three hundred and twenty one words, which is still a thousand and one miles away from my long lost target, three thousand. now, i shall tell you about the south park story, best friends forever.
this story is about four kids, namely cartman and stan and kyle and kenny. recently a new gaming device, which is out dated by now, has been released called the Sony Play Station Portable which includes only a game called "heaven vs hell". kenny buys the sony play station portable first before i went out of stock, and when three friends stan, kyle and cartman sees him playing they get really jealous. this is especially to cartman, who would do anything to get his hands on a sony play station portable gaming device badly to play heaven vs hell. kenny is such a professional in this game heaven and hell that he reached until level sixty one of the game. followed that, a totally and stupid unfortunate thing happened. while kenny was so engrossed in the game, as he crosses the road, he gets knocked over by a lorry driver, who was not paying attention at his driving as he was playing a sony play station portable game. the funny part about this was that he was only at level 4. the unfortunate kenny was sent to heaven, where he meets the angels who explained to him that there was a war between heaven and hell. this was why 'god' created the sony play station portable gaming device, to see who was the best gamer in the game heaven vs hell, so that they could send him or her or whoever who played it, to heaven, to lead the war of heaven and hell. all of a sudden, kenny disappears from heaven and is back to the real world. the angels have began to get worried as they did not know who else to look for as kenny was the best played in heaven vs hell. back on earth, kenny was alive on the hospital ward bed. unfortunately, he was a vegetable and could not move any part of the body and his whole body was paralysed. meanwhile, cartman, stan and kyle was in the court of law, looking at kenny's will, which states that he gives all his possessions to his best friends stan and kyle. but because he thinks that cartman is such as ass hole he decides to leave him his pathetic sony play station portable gaming device. of course, cartman, on hearing this, was overjoyed. there was a slight mistake as the lawyer said that he could not find the last page of kenny's will. but when they went to the hospital and realised that kenny was still alive, he was totally angry. he wanted kenny to die so that he could get his sony play station portable gaming device. angels who saw that supported cartman so that kenny could lead the war between heaven and hell. however, the good hearted stan and kyle demanded for kenny to live on as they did not want him to die. and the most weird thing was that devils from hell were supporting them as they wanted him to live on so that he could not lead the war of heaven and hell. soon this problem was put on to the tv and everyone worldwide debated on whether kenny should live or die. it was exaggerated that fans of kenny went to the hospital ward holding banners. finally, the lawyer finds the last page of kenny's wish, which was stated: "if i am neither alive nor dead but live as a vegetable, please do not show me on national tv". stan and kyle now realise that this whole thing was stupid. they thought that they should just let kenny go peacefully. cartman was right in letting kenny die, but for the wrong reason of having a sony play station portable gaming device, while stan and kyle were wrong in insisting on him to live, but were for the right reasons that they loved their friend. in the end, kenny was sent back to heaven and cartman got his sony play station gaming device. "god" then presented kenny the golden sony play station gaming device which will control the army of heaven. in the end, the devils of hell retreated and heaven has won.
that story was nice, wasnt it? but plainly by saying is not going to reveal the dramatic effect of the story. You must watch it YOUR SELF!!!
now should i talk about my day? i am getting a little sick and tired of writing this super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post... its oh k. lets hear about my boring day! watch out!
I woke up early in the morning at precisely five forty five thirty six P M. Then, I went to brush my teeth using a mug and a toothbrush. Then, after rinsing my mouth, I forgot to comb my hair. Then, i dressed up with my school shirt and school pants followed by socks, then i took my wallet and my hand phone and put them in my pocket. Then, i took my watch and placed it on my wrist. Then, i walked a few steps out of my room into the living room. Then i had my break fast of milo drink and a piece of bread. Then, i took my water bottle and went out of the door after putting on my shoes. then i walk down the stairs. then i walked to the bus stop by crossing an over head bridge. then i waited for bus 66. the bus 66 came and i boarded it. then i found a seat. then i sat down and waited until i reached school. then i got out of the bus and crossed the over head bridge to school. then i walked to my class room and sat down. then i started to do my math home work. i did not do an algebra work sheet as liang jun yuan told me it was optional. then i finished it and walked to the book shop with teng sern and liang jun yuan. then i bought a pen and a mao bi what we call a paint brush. then we walked to the basket ball court and played for a while. then we went back to class room. there was no assembly as there was rain. then there was no news paper. then mr siew came in as mrs raj was absent. we had to do two comprehension passages. then mrs kee came in for literature lesson and gave a pop quiz and we have to write long long on the question of the play called let me hear you whisper. then she gave me a bonus for writing fastest in the first few. then she gave us two texts to write. then it was recess and i did my math work sheet again. then i finished my math work sheet and went for assembly. the assembly was boring talking about reducing ACE points to 10 per cent. then i walked out of the auditorium and back to class. then i sat down and there is double math. then we went through the algebra work sheet which i did not do. then i pretended that i did it and mrs lai did not know. then i got thirty eight upon fifty five for my math test, which was sixty nine upon one hundred, which was a B3. then i shouted hip hip hooray. then we went to art lesson. then we started running and racing to art room. then we started to write our name five times for chinese calligraphy. then art lesson ended and we went back to class room to pack our things. then i went to pool side for lunch and met deng quan, felix, and joo seng. then i went to the bus stop. then i waited for bus 66 to come. then it came and i boarded it. then i waited and waited until it reached my stop. then i got down the bus and walked home. then i walked up the stairs and pressed the door bell. then my father opened the door. then i played about twenty one rounds of a mass multi player online role playing game or shooting game. then i got bored. then i watched south park best friends for ever. the story is very nice. then i started to do home work until seven o clock. then i ate market duck rice for dinner. then i watched tv. then i continued doing my home work until only the two english comprehesion passages were left. then i came here and write this blog post.
i do not feel about writing about my day anymore. thank you very much. i am too bored to write about my day. i am too bored to write about the riddles and jokes i asked today. ha ha ha. but first, let me reveal the answer to that stupid riddle that i have posted during last wednesday. it was such an easy question but yet almost every one fell for the trick. just a re cap:
four brothers, A, B, C and D are standing at their respective positions. their father blows the whistle. With the same amount of speed and energy, Brother A travels to Point B within 80mins, Brother B travels to point C in 80mins, Brother C travels to point D in 80mins, but Brother D takes 1hr20min to travel to point A. why is that so?
and the pathetic answer is because eighty minutes and one hour and twenty minutes ARE EXACTLY THE SAME. not a minute more, not a minute less, or needles to say, not even a milli second less! i have NEVER, EVER stated in the question, that brother D has actually travelled longer than that of brother A or brother B or brother C. and brother A or brother B or brother C have not travelled shorter that brother D. i just made it sound like that. you get it? fine im really getting sick and tired and freaked out of writing this pathetic and super long and super ultra mega idiotic blog post. so i shall end off here. and people, good night and have a good sleep! you are bored, arent you? i must have raised your grogginess level by at least 50 per cent, havent I? oh k so now i officially say good bye to all of you. Good bye, Good night and Sweet Dreams! Good Bye!
FINALLY I HAVE FINISHED WRITING THIS STUPID PIECE OF CRAP. CAN ANYONE BEAT MY RECORD? HE HE HE!!!!! xD
--post ends--
9:42PM
97th post
5000 words EXACTLY (do not count hello everybody)
ME
Name: ZhengKang
Age: 14!
Bday: 30AUG
Virgo
Asian
YELLOW
Singaporean
Judoka
5th Kyu
Dumb Bear
<3<3
To do list:
To be continued. lol.
